I have now achieved the milestone of 100 posts on Onward American. This milestone feels unreal; in my mind, it appears as if I’ve only published about 35 posts.
In honor of this milestone, in true Onward American fashion, I have prepared a list, but this time it contains 100 ways to prepare a grilled cheese sandwich.
This list is quite ridiculous and it’s only intended for fun. When preparing your grilled cheese sandwiches, or any food for that matter, please use reason when deciding how to cook it, and please do not attempt to prepare your sandwiches in any way that is dangerous or illegal.
100 Ways to Make Grilled Cheese
1. Pan
A very simple method for cooking grill cheese sandwiches, yet very effective.
2. Sandwich Cooker
A sandwich cooker is a great way to make grilled cheese since it is designed for sandwiches.
3. Toaster
If done properly, using a toaster can produce decent grilled cheese sandwiches with very little time and mess.
4. Sideways Toaster
By carefully placing the toaster on its side, you can make an open face grilled cheese sandwich without causing the cheese to flow everywhere.
5. Grill Press
Try a grill press to make an evenly toasted sandwich, the only drawback is that it will be completely flat.
6. Cast Iron over a Fire
This method requires no electricity or gas.
7. Griddle
One of the most classic grilled cheese cooking methods which allows you to cook more than one sandwich at a time.
8. Gas Grill
If you already have the grill hot from grilling hamburgers, but you are craving a grilled cheese sandwich, this method may be perfect for you!
9. Charcoal Grill
Perfect for the previously mentioned scenario, but if you are using a classic charcoal grill.
10. Smoker
Ideal for adding a smoky flavor to your grilled cheese sandwich.
11. Pressure Cooker
If your sandwich is kept out of the water that is used to pressurize the cooker, it comes out surprisingly crisp and not even slightly soggy after about 1 minute of cooking. I was genuinely surprised by these results.
12. Crockpot
If all you have in your kitchen is a crockpot, then this is obviously the way you will cook your grilled cheese sandwich. It could take anywhere from 10 minutes to 8 hours; I wouldn’t know the exact cooking time, I haven’t tried it.
13. Boiled
It’s like if your grilled cheese fell into your soup.
14. Sous Vide
It’s like if your grilled cheese fell into your soup, but without the sogginess.
15. Dishwasher
Why not cook your grilled cheese sandwich and clean your dishes all in one appliance? Never mind the fact that you have not yet eaten your sandwich and used your plate.
16. Hot Tub
Relax in your hot tub while your sandwich floats beside you.
17. Yellowstone
The temperature of Yellowstone’s geothermal pools are sufficient for cooking your sandwich, however, it is absolutely not recommended to throw anything into them. I have not yet figured out how you would retrieve your sandwich anyway.
18. Armpit
If you find yourself hungry and stationary, you could tuck your sandwich in your armpit for a while until it reaches 98.6º.
19. Reflective Blanket
A reflective emergency blanket could heat your sandwich if you wrap yourself and the sandwich in the blanket. The blanket will reflect your body heat back, which might eventually cook your sandwich… and, sadly, yourself.
20. Tanning Bed
If you plan to go to a tanning bed, bring a grilled cheese sandwich along and lay it next to you. The ultraviolet rays could theoretically cook your sandwich to a delicious golden tan.
21. Iron
Don’t have time to iron your suit and cook your lunch before work? You could simply do both at the same time! Just remember to place the sandwich in aluminum foil so you don’t make the nastiest grease spot known to man on your suit.
22. Friction
Using a sander on your sandwich or dragging it on a treadmill for a couple minutes is a fast way to heat your grilled cheese, well, what remains of it.
23. Carpet Burn
Strap a grilled cheese sandwich on each knee and slide across a carpet, this could produce a warm sandwich.
24. Blender
Why make soup and sandwiches when you can make them all in one? Just blend your sandwich until the cheesy mush begins to steam.
25. Hand Warmer
You can warm your sandwich by surrounding it with hand warmers.
26. Deep Fryer
Try deep frying a grilled cheese sandwich for extra crispiness. I imagine someone at a fair has already tried this.
27. Potassium Permanganate and Glycerin
These two chemicals erupt into flames when mixed together. If you pour the two chemicals onto your sandwich, they will engulf it in flames within a matter of seconds. I highly doubt that the resulting slurry of chemicals are even remotely healthy, but it would only take seconds to heat the sandwich.
28. Thermite
Using a thermite reaction will produce a spectacular shower of sparks as your sandwich is incinerated within seconds. All you will have to do is pull your sandwich out of the pool of molten iron.
29. Flamethrower
Don’t worry, the Geneva Convention does not prohibit the use of flamethrowers on sandwiches.
30. Dragon’s Breath
If you happen to stumbled upon a dragon, it would be a great opportunity to roast a grilled cheese sandwich.
31. Angle Grinder
Place your sandwich on a piece of steel and use an angle grinder on the steel. The metal will eventually heat up enough to fry your sandwich, and an added benefit is that this process will shower your sandwich with iron dust and splinters which could help if you have a severe iron deficiency.
32. Rocket Engine
You could use a spare rocket engine to toast your grilled cheese. Rocket fuel is relatively cheap, right?
33. Rocket Launch
Just place your sandwich on the launch pad next time you launch a rocket, it’s not rocket science, or is it?
34. Venus
With an average temperature of 864ºF, Venus is more than capable of baking your sandwich simply by being present on its surface, it shouldn’t take much more than about 3 seconds, although, the clouds of sulfuric acid may be problematic.
35. Sun
All you have to do is fly your sandwich into space and toward the sun until it is about 36 million miles from the sun, or about the orbital radius of Mercury.
36. Microwave
Microwave your sandwich, it’s quick and easy, even if it’s a little soggy and tough.
37. Nuke
Nuke your sandwich! No, I’m not being redundant, I mean an actual nuclear weapon. Hold your sandwich as close to a nuclear blast as possible without disintegrating.
38. House Fire
It’s quite devastating to have your house burn down, but if the blaze roasted a grilled cheese sandwich, you could look forward to having a warm meal. That’s why I’m now leaving sandwiches on my counters in case my house burns down in the middle of the night.
39. Greenhouse
Leave your sandwich in a greenhouse for a couple hours, it takes much less time in the summer.
40. Texas
Place your sandwich on any object outside during a Texan summer.
41. Car Dash
Leave your grilled cheese on your dash next time you park your car in the sun.
42. Car Engine
Put your sandwich on your engine whenever you go for a drive. Who said you cannot simultaneously cook and drive?
43. Heated Seats
You can heat your sandwich on your seat if your car has heated seats. Don’t forget to clean the grease off your seat afterward.
44. Oven
This method is pretty self explanatory.
45. Easy Bake Oven
The incandescent light bulb may be sufficient to cook your sandwich.
46. Air Fryer
Toast your grilled cheese sandwich with heated air!
47. Broil
It’s like cooking in the oven, but faster.
48. Candle
A pro for cooking with a candle is that it works even in power outages, but that’s about where the pros end and the countless cons begin.
49. Heat Gun
A heat gun is really just a portable air fryer.
50. Soldering Iron
You could use a soldering iron to toast your sandwich with pinpoint accuracy.
51. Charcoal Furnace
Perfect if you find yourself hungry while melting metals, however, because the furnace outputs temperatures exceeding 1,200ºF, it is quite hard to not burn the sandwich. Yes, this is a charcoal fueled furnace that I made from a pie filling can.
52. Camp Stove
By using a camp stove, you can still cook grilled cheese sandwiches while camping.
53. Gas Lantern
If you only have access to a gas lantern while camping, you may be able to heat a sandwich with the lantern. This idea was suggested by a reader and fellow history lover.
54. Torch
Torches will work to cook sandwiches, whether they are propane torches or the primitive, fiery sticks.
55. Chafing Fuel
Clean, efficient, and contained in a small can.
56. Alcohol Burner
Similar to chafing fuel, but an alcohol burner usually has a wick and can be fueled with nearly any ethanol or isopropyl alcohol. Don’t worry, intoxication from this cooking method is not likely.
57. Dumpster Fire
The flames spewing from a dumpster fire could be used to cook a sandwich, but the emitted fumes are likely to be foul and even harmful. I have witnessed one dumpster fire before, but I sadly missed the opportunity of making a grilled cheese sandwich with it.
58. Magnifying Glass
Cook with the raw power of the sun while remaining on earth.
59. Solar Oven
This method allows you to cook with the power of the sun, but without needing to constantly focus a lens. It’s basically a tiny green house.
60. Volcano
Harness pure geothermal energy to roast your sandwich; there’s nothing better than that flavor of vaporized rock.
61. Lasers
You can now use lasers to cook a delicious sandwich; we truly live in the future!
62. Superman
If you don’t have a laser, I would recommend asking Superman to use his laser vision on your sandwich.
63. Electricity
You could connect your sandwich to a battery, effectively creating a short circuit; either the battery or sandwich will heat up until it is cooked.
64. Static Electricity
You could build up a static electric charge and shock your sandwich about 10 million times to bring it up to cooking temperatures. I would definitely recommend insulating it, otherwise you may have to shock it a few million more times.
65. Defibrillator
A defibrillator would be a much faster approach to the previously mentioned method.
66. Lightening Rod
Try using the power of lightening to cook sandwiches. You could cook dozens of sandwiches with a single bolt.
67. The Ben Franklin
Tying a kite with a key onto a grilled cheese sandwich during a thunderstorm produces a delicious Ben Franklin sandwich that tastes like 1752.
68. Junk Mail
Burn your junk mail to cook your grilled cheese, just like the adage: when life gives you junk mail, make grilled cheese.
69. Elephant’s Foot
The so called elephant’s foot is a mass of radioactive material that melted down into the basement of the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant during the Chernobyl nuclear disaster. It is still deadly to stand next to the elephant’s foot for more than a few minutes, which means it could potentially cook a sandwich.
70. Overheated Reactor
A grilled cheese sandwich might come in handy if a nuclear reactor overheats. Simply cool the reactor with the sandwich and enjoy your irradiated meal.
71. Roasting Fork
Ever roasted your sandwich over the fire like a hotdog?
72. Roads in Summer
Roads and highways in the summer can get quite hot, so why not heat your sandwich with one?
73. Beach
You could also leave your sandwich on the sand of a beach to cook.
74. Sandals
Try wearing your sandwiches as sandals while walking on the hot sand. Why do you think they call it a sandwich?
75. Radiator
Placing your sandwich on a radiator might make a grilled cheese sandwich.
76. Molten Metal
Pouring any molten metal from tin to titanium onto your sandwich should do the trick, plus you will have a nice cast of a sandwich.
77. Borehole
Lower your sandwich into a borehole that is at least 2 miles deep to reach cooking temperatures.
78. Lightsaber
A lightsaber is one of the coolest, or should I say hottest, ways to cook a sandwich.
79. Tonka Toaster
Just like I mentioned in my 79th post, using a pie iron is a very delicious way to cook a pie, or even a grilled cheese sandwich. Tonka is the original company to make these toasters.
80. Ghost Peppers
If your only option is to eat a cold grilled cheese sandwich, simply place a ghost pepper or two in your sandwich and you will certainly think it is hot off the griddle.
81. The $10 Billion Sandwich
Next time you are in space, strap several grilled cheese sandwiches onto your shuttle as a heat shield before reentry. You can share your sandwiches with some friends once you have landed.
82. Mug Warmer
Heat your sandwich with a mug warmer. The only problem with this method is that it only heats in a small circle.
83. Kiln
You can try carbonizing, I mean cooking, your sandwich in a kiln.
84. Fever
Put your sandwich next to someone with a fever. Effectivity: moderate, illness prevention: terrible.
85. Shield
Whenever you are in a medieval battle, you should use sandwiches as a shield so they will cook from fiery arrows.
86. Fire Blanket
Try using sandwiches as a fire blanket to snuff out fires and to toast from the heat.
87. Pot Holder
Use your sandwich as a pot holder when you pull something out of the oven. You could also try using it like an oven mitt if you don’t mind melted cheese enveloping your hand.
88. Trivet
Use a sandwich as a trivet, that way you can cook your next meal with your current one.
89. Umbrella
Make your sandwiches into a shade umbrella so they cook in the sizzling sun while you relax in the shade.
90. Insulation
Cover your entire house in grilled cheese sandwiches for insulation in the summer. This will help save money on air conditioning and it will provide you with many meals by the time winter arrives.
91. Disassembled
If you don’t want the work of making a grilled cheese sandwich, you can just eat the separate ingredients. Don’t mind the bite in the butter, I couldn’t help myself.
92. Uranium
Store your sandwich in a container with uranium to keep it warm; your sandwich now glows in the dark so you can find it next time you need a midnight snack.
93. Roasting Spit
Roasting a sandwich on a spit brings me back to cowboy times.
94. Seething Sandwich
Try angering your sandwich until steam comes out of its ears, it should be cooked by this point.
95. The Cheese
Try making a grilled cheese sandwich but without grilling or cooking it, in other words, a cheese sandwich.
96. Restaurant
Go to a restaurant and order a grilled cheese sandwich.
97. Phone Call
Call your mom and have her make you a grilled cheese sandwich.
98. Grilled Cheese Party
Crash a grilled cheese party, that way you won’t need to cook anything.
99. Catering
Hire a caterer to make you a grilled cheese sandwich.
100. Just Make It
How have you not found a suitable method yet? Just go make your sandwich already.
What is your favorite method for cooking grilled cheese sandwiches?
Onward American 